The Art of Goodbye: Ending Therapy as a Psychological Rite of Passage

In a culture that often celebrates beginnings, endings are frequently avoided, rushed, or dismissed. But in psychoanalysis and psychodynamic therapy, how we end is as important—sometimes more important—than how we begin. The final phase of treatment is not a mere formality; it is a psychological process in its own right—a rite of passage in the deepest sense.

Patients and therapists alike may approach the topic of ending with ambivalence. Some feel relief, others anxiety, and many both at once. Questions arise: When is the right time to end? What if we’re not finished? What if I regress? These questions are not just practical—they are profoundly emotional.

Let’s explore the meaning of ending therapy: when it might be time, how it can be approached, and why it matters so deeply.

When Is It Time to End?
There is no single rule or timeline for when therapy should end. In psychoanalysis and long-term psychodynamic therapy, the decision to end usually emerges gradually, from within the therapeutic process itself.

Signs it may be time to consider ending include:

Increased autonomy: The patient feels more able to think, feel, and act independently.
Capacity to reflect: Emotional experiences are increasingly symbolized rather than acted out.
Stability in relationships: Patterns that once repeated destructively now evolve with awareness.
An inner sense of readiness: A quiet voice that says, “I think I’m ready to live this outside.”
But ending therapy is rarely just about being “done.” Often, it involves tolerating the very feelings the therapy helped to uncover: separation, loss, gratitude, fear, and mourning. In some cases, patients may also want to leave because of discomfort with intimacy, anger toward the therapist, or fear of dependency—dynamics that deserve careful exploration before any true ending takes place.

Why Endings Matter
The termination phase is often the first time a patient experiences a relationship that ends consciously, mutually, and with meaning. Unlike earlier ruptures or abandonments, the therapeutic ending can be grieved, thought about, and symbolized. This makes it profoundly reparative.

Nancy McWilliams (2004) writes that “termination is not simply an event but a developmental achievement.” It offers the patient a chance to face the reality of limits—not as a failure, but as a mark of growth. The relationship, once a lifeline, is no longer needed in the same way. And yet, the internalization of that relationship remains—a voice, a presence, a psychological space the patient can carry forward.

The Work of Saying Goodbye
A meaningful ending requires time. Ideally, the process of termination is discussed and worked through over weeks or months, not suddenly enacted. This allows space for:

Reviewing the therapeutic journey: What has changed? What remains unresolved?
Exploring anxieties: What fears does the ending awaken? What fantasies accompany it?
Mourning and celebration: Acknowledging both loss and achievement.
Internalization of the therapeutic relationship: Helping the patient recognize that the work continues internally.
The final sessions often stir early attachment themes: separation anxiety, fear of abandonment, hope for reunion. These are not “relapses”—they are the very material of the work. They provide a final, rich opportunity to integrate experiences that may once have been dissociated or acted out.

Beyond the Ending: Carrying Therapy Within
Ending therapy does not mean ending growth. On the contrary, it signals that something has been internalized. The therapist is no longer needed as an external figure because their function has been taken in. The patient has developed what Winnicott might call a “potential space” within—a place where thinking, feeling, and dreaming can happen freely.

In this sense, the end of therapy is a beginning in its own right. A beginning of living with greater freedom, fuller feeling, and deeper self-understanding.

Closing the Door, Leaving It Ajar
Good endings do not close the door forever. Some patients return for check-ins, others for new chapters of therapy when needed. But what matters most is that the ending has been thought, felt, and shared. Not rushed. Not avoided. But lived—together.

In a world full of fragmented exits and abrupt disappearances, a conscious therapeutic ending can be a profound act of care.

References:

McWilliams, N. (2004). Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy: A Practitioner’s Guide. New York: Guilford Press.
Winnicott, D.W. (1971). Playing and Reality. London: Tavistock.
Ogden, T.H. (2004). On Holding and Containing, Being and Dreaming. International Journal of Psychoanalysis, 85, 1349–1364.