„On Endings: Why Goodbyes in Psychoanalysis Matter“

In the course of a psychoanalytic treatment, the ending is often among the most emotionally complex and clinically significant phases. It is a time of reflection, mourning, and integration—a psychological process that mirrors earlier developmental separations and offers the opportunity to work through some of the most deeply embedded relational patterns.

The Significance of the Ending Phase
Psychoanalysis, from its inception, has understood endings not as abrupt closures but as vital processes. Freud himself, in his reflections on transference love and working through, emphasized the slow unwinding of unconscious ties as essential for genuine change. The final phase of therapy is not simply the last session—it begins well before that, often as a shared awareness that the work is nearing completion.

In this phase, both analyst and analysand are called to tolerate a certain sadness, uncertainty, and gratitude. As Otto Kernberg (1984) noted, termination can reactivate unresolved separation anxieties and trigger transferences related to loss, abandonment, and autonomy. When approached thoughtfully, this becomes a fertile ground for insight: What does it mean to say goodbye? What gets lost—and what internal structures remain?

When Holidays or Breaks Interrupt the Ending
Therapeutic breaks—whether due to holidays, illness, or other interruptions—take on heightened meaning during the ending phase. These „mini-endings“ can unconsciously echo earlier losses, absences, or separations in a patient’s history. Analysts such as Nancy McWilliams (2004) and Glen Gabbard (2010) have written about the therapeutic value of attending to these disruptions as emotionally significant events in their own right.

Rather than seeing a break as an inconvenience, it can be reframed as a window into the psychic experience of absence: What does the patient imagine during the gap? Do they feel forgotten, dismissed, or secretly relieved? In the context of a looming final goodbye, even a temporary absence may stir intense feelings and fantasies. Processing these reactions can deepen the analysand’s understanding of their relational templates and increase their emotional resilience.

What Does a “Good Goodbye” Look Like?
A well-worked ending does not mean a painless one. It means one in which the goodbye is acknowledged, made conscious, and symbolized. The analysand may revisit early sessions, recall pivotal insights, or mourn what was never fully resolved. Importantly, they are given the space to reflect not only on what therapy gave them but also what it could not provide—on the limitations of the analytic relationship as well as its gifts.

The analyst, too, participates in this process. While maintaining appropriate boundaries, they may share their own sense of the work’s significance, affirming the patient’s growth and agency. Jessica Benjamin (2004) describes this moment as a mutual recognition: a shift from asymmetry toward a shared subjectivity where both analyst and patient can honor the connection that was built—and the necessity of letting it go.

A good goodbye is one that becomes an internalized experience: the patient leaves with the analyst „inside“—not as a real presence, but as a function, a reflective capacity that has been developed through the analytic encounter.

Key Themes to Work Through Before Ending
Before concluding an analysis, it is often important to work through:

Unfinished business: Unspoken feelings, lingering resentments, or unmet expectations.
Regression and resistance: The pull to undo the progress as a defense against separation.
Autonomy and internalization: What has been learned, and how the patient might carry it forward without external support.
Fantasy and reality: Clarifying unrealistic expectations about the analyst and the nature of the therapeutic bond.
As Norbert Freedman wrote, “Termination is not the end of analysis—it is the analysis of the end.”

Closing Thoughts
Saying goodbye in psychoanalysis is not a footnote—it is a chapter in its own right. It encapsulates the essence of the analytic task: to transform unconscious repetition into conscious experience, to make endings speakable, thinkable, and ultimately survivable.

The work of mourning, separation, and continuity begins long before the final session and often continues afterward in the inner world of the analysand. As therapists, our task is not to soften this process but to honor it—helping patients recognize that every ending, if sufficiently metabolized, becomes a beginning elsewhere.

Selected References:

Freud, S. (1914). Remembering, Repeating and Working-Through (Further Recommendations on the Technique of Psycho-Analysis II). SE, 12.
Kernberg, O. (1984). Severe Personality Disorders: Psychotherapeutic Strategies.
McWilliams, N. (2004). Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy: A Practitioner’s Guide.
Gabbard, G. O. (2010). Long-Term Psychodynamic Psychotherapy: A Basic Text.
Benjamin, J. (2004). “Beyond Doer and Done To: An Intersubjective View of Thirdness.” Psychoanalytic Quarterly, 73(1), 5–46.
Freedman, N. (2002). “Termination is Not the End of Analysis.” Psychoanalytic Dialogues, 12(3), 457–474.