Fake It Till You Make It: The Mask We Wear and the Self We Seek

In today’s world, the phrase „fake it till you make it“ has become almost ubiquitous. It’s a popular piece of advice often given in professional or personal development circles, encouraging individuals to act confidently, even if they don’t feel it inside. At first glance, this approach seems to promote self-assurance and resilience, encouraging individuals to push forward despite self-doubt. But from a psychoanalytic perspective, the phrase holds a deeper, more complex significance—it speaks to the masks we wear, the false selves we create, and the internal conflict between who we are and who we wish to be.

This article delves into the psychological dynamics behind „fake it till you make it“ and explores the potential emotional costs of perpetuating this facade. We’ll examine how the tactic may relate to concepts of narcissism, imposter syndrome, and self-worth, as well as the deeper unconscious drives that shape our need to present ourselves in ways that often conflict with our authentic self.

The False Self: A Defense Against Vulnerability
At the heart of „fake it till you make it“ lies the notion of the false self, a concept introduced by psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott. The false self is a protective mask that we create to navigate a world that feels overwhelming, threatening, or rejecting. It’s a way of presenting a version of ourselves that fits the expectations of others or helps us survive in environments where we feel insecure or inadequate. The phrase „fake it till you make it“ aligns with this idea: it’s about constructing a version of yourself that appears confident, competent, and in control, even if these qualities feel out of reach on a deeper emotional level.

Psychologically speaking, the false self arises as a defense mechanism to protect the vulnerable core of the self. If someone has grown up in an environment where their authentic needs or feelings were ignored, rejected, or criticized, they may learn to suppress their true emotions and adopt a mask of confidence, success, or competence. In this context, “faking it” is not just about projecting an idealized image to others—it is about maintaining psychic survival. The person may feel that without this constructed mask, they will be exposed, vulnerable, or unworthy of love and acceptance.

While „faking it“ in this way might provide short-term relief, the danger is that over time, the mask becomes so ingrained that it disconnects the person from their true self. The effort to sustain a false image can lead to internal cognitive dissonance—a conflict between one’s external presentation and inner feelings of inadequacy or fear. This dissonance can generate feelings of shame, guilt, and anxiety, especially when the individual feels like an „imposter“ or like they are not truly living up to their own expectations.

The Narcissistic Drive: The Need for External Validation
At its core, the desire to „fake it till you make it“ may be linked to a narcissistic drive—the need for external validation to sustain self-worth. In psychoanalytic theory, narcissism is the pursuit of admiration and affirmation to maintain a positive self-image. Individuals who engage in „faking it“ may be unconsciously seeking external markers of success—like praise, recognition, or material achievements—to compensate for a lack of internal self-esteem.

When people „fake it,“ they often align their behaviors, appearance, and speech with the societal ideals of success, power, and confidence. This alignment can produce a narcissistic supply, an emotional reinforcement that feels validating and bolsters their self-image. However, this reliance on external validation is precarious. It creates a cycle where the individual must constantly project a flawless image of success to feel worthy of admiration. If their false self is ever threatened—if they experience failure, rejection, or criticism—their fragile sense of self-worth may collapse, leading to feelings of emptiness or despair.

The narcissistic underpinnings of „faking it“ can also reveal an inability to tolerate vulnerability. True self-worth is built on an acceptance of both strengths and weaknesses—something that individuals who rely on a false self may struggle to accept. By „faking it,“ they avoid confronting their perceived flaws, but in doing so, they miss the opportunity for true emotional growth and self-acceptance.

The Imposter Syndrome: The Fear of Being Unmasked
On the flip side, „fake it till you make it“ can often lead to feelings of imposter syndrome, a psychological phenomenon where individuals feel they do not deserve their success and fear being exposed as a fraud. In this context, „faking it“ is not just a strategy for success—it becomes a constant source of anxiety. The individual may constantly feel on edge, waiting for the moment when their facade will be unmasked.

Imposter syndrome often occurs in highly competitive environments where individuals feel the pressure to prove their worth. The pressure to „fake it“ in such settings can lead to self-doubt and perfectionism—the belief that anything less than flawless success will reveal the person as unworthy. This constant fear of being exposed can be deeply paralyzing and may contribute to burnout, anxiety disorders, or depression.

Psychoanalytically, imposter syndrome represents a conflict between the ego and the ideal self. The ideal self is the version of ourselves that we aspire to be, while the ego is the self that we feel we actually are. The gap between these two can feel intolerable, and so, we create a false self to bridge the gap. But this only intensifies the inner conflict and the sense of being a fraud. True self-esteem can only be built when we acknowledge the gap between ideal and real self and learn to embrace our imperfections.

The Rewards and Pitfalls of „Faking It“
So, is there a way to make use of „fake it till you make it“ without succumbing to its psychological pitfalls? In short, yes—but it requires a careful balance.

On one hand, acting confident or competent when you don’t feel it can be a useful tool for growth and resilience. It can push us to take risks, develop new skills, and step outside our comfort zones. Sometimes, we must „fake it“ in order to build the confidence that comes with competence over time. However, the key to this strategy is to approach it with self-awareness and self-compassion. The goal is not to build a false self that we become disconnected from, but rather to use these moments as stepping stones towards authentic self-growth.

Rather than adopting a purely defensive or narcissistic attitude toward „faking it,“ it can be helpful to frame it as experimentation. When we „fake it,“ we are trying on new behaviors, experimenting with new identities, and testing the waters in unfamiliar territory. If we can maintain a sense of curiosity rather than perfectionism, we can use the experience to gradually integrate these behaviors into our true selves.

Conclusion: The Journey from „Faking It“ to „Making It“
In conclusion, the phrase „fake it till you make it“ speaks to the complex psychological terrain between self-doubt and self-assertion. While the concept can be a helpful strategy for pushing through fear or building resilience, it also highlights deeper issues of narcissism, imposter syndrome, and the false self.

At its best, „faking it“ can be a tool for growth, a way to challenge the ego and embrace new aspects of the self. But at its worst, it can be a defense against vulnerability, a mask that hides our true emotional experiences and creates a cycle of shame, self-doubt, and anxiety.

Ultimately, the key to moving beyond „faking it“ is to embrace authenticity. This involves acknowledging our insecurities, learning to be comfortable with vulnerability, and striving to become a more integrated version of ourselves. „Making it“ is not just about success or achievement—it’s about accepting and expressing the whole self, flaws and all.