Money and the Three Facts of Life: A Psychoanalytic Reflection Inspired by Roger Money-Kyrle

Money is a ubiquitous presence in psychic and social life. It mediates relationships, structures desires, and often serves as a substitute for emotional experiences that cannot be borne directly. In psychoanalysis, money is not merely a tool of exchange or an economic reality, but a deeply symbolic object, embedded in fantasies of power, lack, security, and omnipotence.

Roger Money-Kyrle, a British psychoanalyst trained by Melanie Klein and Wilfred Bion, proposed that emotional development depends on the mind’s capacity to face three fundamental facts of life. In his influential paper “The Emotional Growth of the Human Mind” (1968), he described these facts as follows:

That we are not the center of the universe (others have minds and desires of their own),
That time passes (we must grow, change, and eventually decline),
That we will all die (our own finitude and that of others is unavoidable).
This triad offers a profound lens through which to understand the psychic role of money. In what follows, I reflect on how attitudes toward money may function defensively against these existential truths.

1. Money as Defense Against Narcissistic Injury: „I Am Not the Center of the Universe“
The first realization in Money-Kyrle’s model is the painful awareness that others exist independently of oneself. In infancy, this often manifests as the recognition that the mother is not under the infant’s omnipotent control—that she has her own desires and is sometimes unavailable.

Money may serve as a substitute for this lost control. The ability to buy, own, or command through financial means can restore a narcissistic illusion of centrality. People may use money to seek admiration, to control others, or to shield themselves from feelings of dependency and exclusion. In this sense, money becomes a defense against the emotional work of accepting otherness and limits.

As Bion (1962) noted, the capacity for learning from experience requires the mind to tolerate frustration and accept the limits of omnipotence. When this capacity is underdeveloped, monetary success may unconsciously serve as a substitute for genuine emotional recognition.

2. Money and the Denial of Time: “Time Passes”
The second fact is that time moves forward. Childhood ends. Youth fades. Loss is inevitable. For some, money becomes a way to deny this passage. Wealth may be used to buy time, preserve youth, or forestall change—cosmetically, symbolically, or literally.

Consider the compulsive saver, the hoarder, or the individual obsessed with financial planning: while such behaviors may appear rational, they often conceal a deeper anxiety about loss and impermanence. Conversely, reckless spending or chronic indebtedness may reflect a manic defense against time—a way to assert “now” over the future.

Klein (1940) described the manic denial of mourning as a way to avoid depressive feelings associated with loss. In the context of money, this may manifest in denial of financial limits, or refusal to plan for decline, retirement, or dependency.

3. Money and the Denial of Death: “We All Die”
The third fact—the inevitability of death—is perhaps the most difficult to accept. Money, in unconscious fantasy, is often used to ward off mortality, offering illusions of permanence, control, and even immortality. Some seek to “live on” through financial legacies, others cling to possessions or status as signs of lasting value.

The fantasy that “enough money” can buy safety, protection, or exemption from death is widespread. In pathological forms, this may underlie hypochondria, health consumerism, or magical beliefs about wealth. The psychic equation might be: “If I have enough, I will not die.”

Yet, in truth, no amount of money can alter mortality. The capacity to mourn and to accept limits is a key marker of emotional maturity, and the inability to do so often appears in the clinic in the form of money-related anxieties, compulsions, or conflicts.

Emotional Growth and the Role of the Analyst
Roger Money-Kyrle’s model is not only developmental but also ethical: he viewed emotional growth as the result of facing truth, and psychoanalysis as the discipline most concerned with helping the mind bear these truths. He wrote:

“Mental health depends on the capacity to tolerate the painful facts of life rather than to deny or evade them.” (Money-Kyrle, 1968, p. 693)
From this perspective, the analyst does not interpret money merely in terms of oedipal desire or early trauma, but also as a resistance to facing reality—particularly the reality of dependency, limitation, time, and death.

In working with patients, the analyst may notice how financial themes conceal deeper anxieties: a patient’s shame over not earning, envy of a partner’s income, obsession with savings, or fear of debt may all reflect deeper struggles with these existential facts.

Conclusion: Money as a Symbol of Psychic Reality
Money, in the psychoanalytic frame, is never just money. It is a condensed symbol of desire, control, time, and loss—a site where unconscious phantasies meet social reality. Roger Money-Kyrle’s vision of emotional development challenges us to think beyond behavior and explore the symbolic, defensive, and existential meanings of financial life.

In facing the truths of dependence, change, and mortality, the mind grows—and in relinquishing the omnipotent illusions invested in money, the patient may come closer to a more truthful, if more painful, form of psychic reality.

References
Bion, W. R. (1962). Learning from experience. London: Heinemann.

Klein, M. (1940). Mourning and its relation to manic-depressive states. International Journal of Psychoanalysis, 21, 125–153.

Money-Kyrle, R. (1968). The emotional growth of the human mind. International Journal of Psychoanalysis, 49, 691–698.