The Unbearable Reflection: Psychoanalytic Thoughts on Avoiding Mirrors
Most of us glance at the mirror in passing—straighten our hair, check our collar, move on. But for some, the mirror is not a neutral object; it is an enemy. The avoidance of mirrors is more than a quirk of habit. Psychoanalytically, it opens up questions about self-image, shame, and the fragile relation we hold to our own reflection.
The Mirror as Double
In infancy, the mirror is not just glass—it is a revelation. Jacques Lacan described the “mirror stage” as the moment when the child recognizes itself in its reflection, forming an image of a unified self. This is both jubilant and deceptive: the child feels whole in the image, but inwardly still struggles with fragmentation and dependency. The mirror becomes the site of both recognition and alienation.
When someone avoids mirrors, it may echo this early ambivalence: “I cannot bear to see the image of myself that does not feel like me.” The reflection becomes a stranger, a double who judges, accuses, or mocks.
Shame and the Gaze
Mirrors are not only about self-perception—they are also about the internalized gaze of the Other. To look at oneself is, unconsciously, to imagine being looked at. If the early environment was shaming, critical, or intrusive, then the mirror can trigger those same persecutory feelings: “I am being watched, evaluated, exposed.”
Avoidance of mirrors, in this sense, protects against an unbearable confrontation with shame. The absent gaze feels safer than the accusing one.
Eating Disorders and Body Image
In the world of eating disorders, mirror avoidance is a common defense. For some, the mirror is a tormenting object that amplifies every flaw. For others, refusing to look is a way to keep anxiety at bay, to deny the body’s existence. In both cases, the mirror stands in for the problem of the body itself—the body as something unruly, alien, difficult to control.
Obsessionality and Denial
From an obsessive–compulsive standpoint, the refusal of mirrors can also serve as an attempt to maintain control. If the reflection is avoided, then the disturbing reality of imperfection, aging, or mortality can be denied. The mirror is too stark a reminder that time passes, that the body is finite, that decay is unavoidable.
Toward Tolerating the Reflection
To face the mirror is to face ambivalence: pride and shame, recognition and estrangement, life and mortality. Avoiding mirrors spares us from this confrontation, but at a cost. The self becomes divided—lived from within, but disavowed from without.
In analysis, the task is not to force the patient to look, but to explore what is so frightening about the gaze. Whose eyes are imagined in the reflection? Whose judgment is being replayed? What fantasy of wholeness or defect is being protected?
When these questions are lived through, the mirror can slowly shift from persecutor to companion. It may never be neutral glass—but it can become less unbearable, a place where the self can be met with curiosity rather than terror.
References
Freud, S. (1914). On Narcissism: An Introduction. Standard Edition, Vol. 14.
Lacan, J. (1949/2006). The mirror stage as formative of the function of the I. In Écrits. New York: Norton.
Broucek, F. (1991). Shame and the Self. New York: Guilford Press.
Bruch, H. (1973). Eating Disorders: Obesity, Anorexia Nervosa, and the Person Within. New York: Basic Books.