Why We Sometimes Feel Jealous of Life Itself: Womb Envy, Breast Envy, and the Struggle to Receive
Have you ever felt frustrated or resentful when others seem to have something you want — whether it’s creativity, care, or recognition? Psychoanalysis has long explored these feelings, even back to the very beginnings of life. Concepts like “womb envy” and “breast envy” help us understand why these emotions can be so powerful, and how they shape our relationships and sense of self.
1. Womb Envy: Longing to Create Life
The idea of womb envy comes from Karen Horney, who built on Freud’s work. While Freud spoke about “penis envy” in girls, Horney suggested that men can unconsciously feel envy of women’s ability to create and nurture life.
This isn’t just about the physical body. It’s about the deep wish to be a source of creation, to generate something meaningful, and to feel powerful in giving life — whether literally, as a parent, or symbolically, in creativity and influence.
When someone struggles with womb envy, it can show up as competitiveness, overachievement, or even trying to dominate others. At its core, it’s a way to cope with feeling inadequate or dependent on others.
2. The Devil’s Neurosis: How Envy Becomes Projection
Freud described what he called the “devil’s neurosis,” where people project their aggressive or forbidden feelings onto external figures — imagining them as enemies or persecutors. This is like acting out the envy inside oneself by blaming or fighting others.
In simple terms, when we feel jealous of someone’s ability to give or create, it can feel unbearable — so we sometimes push it outward, seeing it as coming from the world or others rather than from ourselves.
3. Breast Envy: Wanting What Nurtures Us
Melanie Klein described “breast envy” as the baby’s early experience of wanting the mother’s care and nourishment, while also sometimes wishing to control it. Even if the baby is fed, they might still feel frustrated or greedy, craving more than what is given.
As adults, breast envy can show up as jealousy, rivalry, or difficulties accepting love and support. We might compete with others, feel entitled to care, or struggle to feel gratitude — all echoing those earliest experiences of wanting and missing.
4. How This Shows Up in Everyday Life
In therapy, we often see people wrestling with these early patterns. Men might feel pressure to constantly prove themselves or compete, while women may feel resentment or rivalry around their ability to nurture or create.
The common thread is envy: the feeling of wanting what someone else has — whether it’s life, care, recognition, or creativity — and the frustration when it feels out of reach. This envy can shape relationships, work, and even how we treat ourselves.
5. Healing Through Recognition and Gratitude
The goal of psychoanalytic therapy is not to judge these feelings, but to understand and transform them. By noticing envy, acknowledging its origins, and learning to accept care and creativity as part of our lives, we can turn frustration into growth.
Gratitude — truly receiving and internalizing what is offered — is a powerful antidote. When we can feel nourished and secure, envy becomes less destructive and more a source of motivation and connection.
References (for further reading):
Freud, S. (1923). The Ego and the Id. London: Hogarth Press.
Freud, S. (1925). Some Psychical Consequences of the Anatomical Distinction Between the Sexes. London: Hogarth Press.
Horney, K. (1937). The Neurotic Personality of Our Time. New York: Norton.
Klein, M. (1957). Envy and Gratitude and Other Works 1946–1963. London: Tavistock.
Ogden, T. H. (1994). The Analytic Third: Working with Intersubjective Clinical Facts. International Journal of Psycho-Analysis, 75, 3–19.
Spillius, E. (1988). Resentment and Envy: Psychoanalytic Perspectives. London: Karnac.