Feeling Starved Inside? How Gratitude Can Transform Jealousy, Greed, and Aggression
Sometimes, even when we have love, care, or support available to us, we struggle to accept it. Psychoanalyst Alessandra Lemma calls this “psychic starvation” — when the mind refuses or cannot take in what could nourish it. This isn’t about food; it’s about emotional nourishment, trust, and feeling supported.
1. The Good Object: What Nourishes Us
In psychoanalysis, the “good object” refers to people or experiences that give us care, safety, and encouragement. A patient may have access to these good things but still feel empty inside, because part of them cannot accept them. This refusal leaves the mind restless, craving, and unsatisfied.
Gratitude, in this context, is more than a polite feeling — it’s a way the mind receives and internalizes nourishment. Without it, the mind keeps “hunting” for fulfillment, always feeling deprived.
2. Envy, Greed, and Psychic Hunger
Melanie Klein described envy as a destructive force aimed at what we cannot fully take in. Greed works in a similar way: we try to grab and consume what is good, but often fail to absorb it. The result? A sense of emptiness, frustration, and ongoing hunger, even when the good object is present.
Patients may unconsciously “starve themselves,” rejecting the very things that could help them feel secure, loved, or creative.
3. Destructiveness and Creativity: Two Sides of the Same Coin
Irma Brennt pointed out that humans have the potential for both destructiveness and creativity. Recognizing our aggressive impulses — the part of us that wants to control, take, or even harm — is necessary to transform that energy into love, play, and creativity.
For example, a patient might think: “I love you, but I want to control or consume you.” This reflects a primitive urge to merge with or dominate the object of care. Therapy helps people notice these impulses, tolerate them, and eventually redirect them into positive, creative actions.
4. Internalizing Nourishment
Psychoanalyst Bion called this “food for the mind”: the ability to take in experiences, feelings, and care, and make them part of ourselves. The therapeutic process offers a safe space where patients can gradually learn to accept support, trust love, and internalize generosity.
When a patient begins to truly receive the good object, envy and greed can transform into gratitude, creativity, and connection. Accepting care doesn’t make a person weak — it allows them to grow stronger, more resilient, and more capable of healthy relationships.
5. Why This Matters in Everyday Life
Refusing what nourishes us shows up in many ways: avoiding help, rejecting love, overcompeting, or feeling empty despite achievements. By noticing these patterns, learning to accept what is offered, and practicing gratitude, people can turn destructive urges into creative energy.
Therapy supports this transformation, helping patients move from psychic starvation to emotional fullness, from aggression to love, and from envy to genuine creativity.
References (for further reading):
Klein, M. (1957). Envy and Gratitude and Other Works 1946–1963. London: Tavistock.
Bion, W. R. (1962). Learning from Experience. London: Heinemann.
Lemma, A. (2013). Introduction to the Psychoanalytic Process: Thoughts, Feelings, and Interventions. Chichester: Wiley-Blackwell.
Brennt, I. (1992). Destructiveness and Creativity: Psychoanalytic Explorations. London: Karnac.
Freud, S. (1915). Instincts and Their Vicissitudes. London: Hogarth Press.
Ogden, T. H. (1994). The Analytic Third: Working with Intersubjective Clinical Facts. International Journal of Psycho-Analysis, 75, 3–19.