Why We Sometimes Feel Justified in Our Anger: Resentment, Envy, and Protecting the Self

Have you ever felt angry or resentful toward someone and told yourself, “I have every right to feel this way”? Psychoanalysis helps us understand that this feeling — often called resentment — can actually be a way our mind protects itself from feeling guilty, vulnerable, or morally flawed.

1. What Resentment Really Is

Elisabeth Spillius called a certain kind of resentment syntonic envy. This is when we feel jealous or angry inside, but frame it as completely justified. Unlike open hostility or destructive envy, syntonic envy lets us maintain a sense of being right, fair, or principled.

In other words, resentment is like a shield: it allows us to feel upset while avoiding the painful awareness that part of us might be envious, unfair, or even aggressive.

2. How It Shows Up in Everyday Life

Imagine someone like Heinz, who constantly complains about how others are treated, how lucky they are, or how unfair the world is. Heinz’s anger is persistent, and he believes it’s entirely reasonable. Beneath the surface, though, envy may be at work: a quiet, unconscious wish to have what others have or to be able to act without restraint.

This type of resentment keeps the self-coherent — “I am a good, principled person” — but it can also create tension in relationships, with subtle criticisms, nagging, or long-standing grudges.

3. Why the Mind Does This

Resentment serves a defensive function. Psychoanalysts like Klein and Meltzer describe how envy and aggression are uncomfortable feelings for the mind. By justifying anger, we can avoid facing guilt or the sense that we are flawed. The mind essentially says: “I am right to feel this way; anyone would feel the same.”

While this protects self-esteem, it can make relationships difficult. Others may sense the subtle hostility, and we might struggle to connect deeply.

4. Therapy and Understanding Resentment

In therapy, resentment often shows up as a barrier. Patients may project their envy onto others, believing the problem lies entirely outside themselves. The analyst’s role is to help patients notice and reflect on these patterns, transforming justified anger into understanding.

By doing so, a person can recognize envy or guilt without being overwhelmed by it. They can learn to tolerate their own emotions, see them realistically, and reduce the unconscious projection onto others.

5. Why This Matters

Understanding resentment and syntonic envy can help us:

• Recognize when anger is protective rather than purely reactive.

• See how envy and guilt operate beneath the surface.

• Transform justified anger into self-reflection, empathy, and healthier relationships.

In short, by exploring the hidden layers of resentment, we can move from feeling perpetually wronged to understanding ourselves — and responding more creatively and compassionately in our relationships.

References (for further reading):

• Klein, M. (1957). Envy and Gratitude and Other Works 1946–1963. London: Tavistock.

• Spillius, E. (1988). Resentment and Envy: Psychoanalytic Perspectives. London: Karnac.

• Meltzer, D. (1972). Explorations in Autism: A Psychoanalytic Study. London: Heinemann.

• Ogden, T. H. (1994). The Analytic Third: Working with Intersubjective Clinical Facts. International Journal of Psycho-Analysis, 75, 3–19.

• Freud, S. (1915). Instincts and Their Vicissitudes. London: Hogarth Press.