Assembled Lives: The Psychic Echoes of Being an IVF Child

To be born is always, in some sense, to be “made” by others. Yet for those conceived through in vitro fertilization (IVF), this fact can take on a heightened psychic resonance. The story of one’s origins—of cells combined in a laboratory, of embryos selected, preserved, transferred—may introduce a distinctive layer of meaning to the question: Where do I come from?

This is not a question of biology alone, but of psychic experience. What does it mean, at an unconscious level, to feel oneself as having been put together?

The Fantasy of Assembly

All children, at some point, construct fantasies about their origins. These “primal scenes” are less about factual accuracy than about making sense of existence. For IVF individuals, however, the cultural narratives surrounding conception may lend themselves to a particular fantasy: that of assembly.

The idea of being created through technical intervention can be unconsciously translated into an image of the self as constructed, pieced together, or even engineered. This does not reflect the lived emotional reality of every IVF individual, but it offers a symbolic template that may shape inner experience.

In this fantasy, the self is not simply born—it is assembled. And what is assembled may, at times, feel as though it could come apart.

Integration and the Threat of Disintegration

Psychoanalytic theory places great emphasis on the process of integration: the gradual coming together of bodily sensations, affects, and experiences into a cohesive sense of self. This process is never guaranteed; it depends on the quality of early relationships and the capacity of caregivers to provide containment and continuity.

For some IVF individuals, the notion of having been externally constructed may resonate with anxieties about integration. Questions may arise—often unconsciously—about the stability of the self: Am I whole? Am I continuous? Or am I something that has been assembled from parts?

These are not literal beliefs, but affective undercurrents. They may manifest as a diffuse sense of fragility, or as a heightened sensitivity to experiences of fragmentation—emotional, relational, or bodily.

At the same time, it is important to emphasize that IVF does not determine psychic outcome. Many individuals conceived in this way develop a robust and cohesive sense of self. The question is not whether IVF causes disintegration, but how its symbolic meanings may intersect with other developmental factors.

The Role of the Parental Imagination

Just as in any form of conception, the psychic life of the IVF child is profoundly shaped by the way they are held in the minds of their parents. Here, IVF can introduce particular dynamics.

Parents who have undergone IVF often carry complex emotional histories: longing, loss, repeated disappointment, and finally, hope. The child may be invested with intense meaning—sometimes experienced as precious, miraculous, or hard-won.

This can have a double edge. On one hand, the child may feel deeply wanted, even cherished. On the other, they may sense themselves as the product of a long and effortful process, bearing the weight of parental desire.

In some cases, this may reinforce the fantasy of constructedness: I exist because I was made to exist, through great effort.The child may unconsciously feel less like a spontaneous emergence and more like a project realized.

Identity and the Question of “Naturalness”

The language surrounding IVF often invokes a contrast between the “natural” and the “artificial.” While medically meaningful, this distinction can seep into psychic life in subtle ways.

An IVF individual may, at times, grapple with questions about authenticity: Am I natural? Am I fully real? These questions are rarely explicit, but they may surface in moments of identity crisis, bodily concern, or relational uncertainty.

Such concerns can be understood as variations on a universal theme: the search for a sense of being real. As Donald Winnicott described, the development of a “true self” depends not on the mode of conception, but on the quality of early environmental attunement.

Yet the narrative of IVF may provide a particular symbolic vocabulary through which these universal struggles are expressed.

Constructedness Revisited

To feel “constructed” is not necessarily pathological. In fact, psychoanalysis itself suggests that the self is always, in part, constructed—through language, relationships, and unconscious processes.

The challenge is not to eliminate the sense of constructedness, but to integrate it. To move from the anxiety of being artificially assembled toward the recognition that all selves are, in some sense, co-created.

For the IVF individual, this may involve reworking the meaning of their origins: from a story of technical assembly to one of relational intention. Not I was put together, but I was brought into being through the desire and effort of others.

Clinical Considerations

In therapeutic settings, IVF individuals may or may not explicitly reference their mode of conception. More often, the themes emerge indirectly: concerns about cohesion, authenticity, belonging, or the legitimacy of one’s existence.

The task of therapy is not to pathologize IVF, but to listen for the symbolic meanings it carries. Where there is anxiety about fragmentation, the work may involve fostering a sense of integration. Where there is a burden of constructedness, the aim may be to support a more flexible and livable narrative of self.

Conclusion

To be an IVF child is to carry a particular story of origins—one that may, at times, echo in the depths of psychic life. Yet this story is not destiny. It is a set of meanings that can be taken up, transformed, and integrated.

In the end, every self is both given and made, both discovered and constructed. The task of psychic life is not to resolve this tension, but to live within it.

To be “assembled” is not to be less real. It is simply to have a different metaphor for the mystery of coming into being.

References

• Freud, S. (1909). Family Romances. Standard Edition, Vol. 9.
• Winnicott, D. W. (1965). The Maturational Processes and the Facilitating Environment. London: Hogarth Press.
• Winnicott, D. W. (1971). Playing and Reality. London: Tavistock.
• Bion, W. R. (1962). Learning from Experience. London: Heinemann.
• Golombok, S. (2020). We Are Family: What Really Matters for Parents and Children. New York: PublicAffairs.
• Lemma, A. (2015). The Digital Age on the Couch: Psychoanalytic Practice and New Media. London: Routledge.
• Raphael-Leff, J. (2014). Psychological Processes of Childbearing. London: Routledge.